I did it. I made it to the end of the language program I am currently enrolled in and I took the final test. The test that judges my ability on whether I know the foreign language or not. The test is given in two parts, listening and reading and the listening was rough. I always felt I was able to narrow the question down to 2 options but then did I pick the right one?

I’m about an hour away from finding out the results of the DLPT test and I am freaking out a little but have also tried to come to peace with getting the bad news. For the first time, I felt the feeling of true freedom after this series of tests were done.

It was as if the physical weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. This was not just a mental process. Yesterday I had to go to REI and pick up a few things for my move and afterwards I went over to the Monterey Dunes and just laid in the back of the van burning off my propane,

I have do that in order to ship my car (more about this soon), and I just laid there all afternoon, chatting with friends and reading books. For the first time in a very long time I was able to read a book for pleasure without an ounce of guilt. Instead of worrying about foreign policies, the struggles of South East Asia, the economy, what the presidential elections in Indonesia foretell, I could sit there and just read… for fun. Like when I was young. What a glorious feeling.

I understand that this process has actually contributed to my learning process, but it is also very difficult not to be extremely upset with the whole thing and look at this foreign language with contempt then with excitement. I have come to peace that I will indeed go back to Indonesia within the next couple of years and actually try to communicate there and see what that process is like. Even when I will speak formal Indonesian while everyone else speaks colloquial Indonesian.

As far as the above quote goes, I guess there is some merit to it. I wanted to write this post before I found out the results because I did not want to be biased when I was writing, or overtly negative. I wanted to write with the mindset that finishing those tests and actually just getting through it was enough. The scores overall don’t matter. I have to take that test every year no matter what in my current job position, so there will be a second chance. You never know…!

More importantly my next job will not be too Indonesian heavy which means it will be up to me regardless to pass the test on my own. eek!

Let’s just say I did not have any particular talent, so this is all about belief baby. Having finished this process has been freeing in so many ways. I have so many ideas and things for the future. In the last post I said I haven’t been seeing the world through my usual lenses, and since I wrote that I can honestly say I’ve started to get those colors back. I am really looking forward to reuniting with friends and family, and enjoy the present moment for a couple of weeks before my next big thing. More on that soon of course.

This article appeared first on The Cassey Excursion.